JUST A BIT OF WRITING

In these words lie the different dimensions of me, my greatness and my goals, the paths that I have chosen, the dreams that I have dreamed, the universe that I had pictured in my mind. My perception has changed, my hearing has developed and my eyes can see. The reality is in front of me, looking at me straight in my small brown eyes. I spent time thinking, worrying, crying and crying some more. “Why am I here,” I asked? God didn’t answer. Listening to my music, on a Monday morning, finding the setting obscure, I said to out loud, “I don’t feel right. God why am I here? My life isn’t this, it wasn’t planned this way, I think you have made a mistake!” I have been sent for more, for greater, for good; I have this profound hole in my soul. It has been awhile, since I had these emotions taking over my spirit. I had faced reality, it had looked at me straight in my little brown eyes; just like a caterpillar, I had to make some changes. And, just like a butterfly, I had accomplished them. My friends were no longer close; they were like children, immature beings that I couldn’t speak to. My family was, as always, in the midst of many problems; my grandmother had just passed away and my father was, and still is fighting. I always think of it as a fight: he is torn between being an asshole and a father. Depict my life, I know you can’t. Tell me that I am hard headed, that I take things too seriously. Can you really say that, when I am living a pain that never ceases to hurt? This ache that made me pick up the bottle, that made me swallow it whole. Drank a little vodka, quite frankly, I was never a fan of straight up Vodka… but I guess if this is the end I might as well take it rough and be adventurous. A Few hours later, my mom faced me and asked me to confess…. Confess to what, that I hate this, that I hate her, that I despise him, that I have disgust for everyone, even myself. Actions speak louder than words, don’ t they Mother! I felt my father’s hard breath on my neck, “Imbecile are you trying to kill yourself?” Yesss! Yess I am, I'm lonely, Im careless, I'm young and I know im not foolish. Living in a domineering messed-up family you would want to commit suicide yourself.